I am not a fan of testimonies. Simple as that. They are too subjective and often written from emotion rather than fact. If the testimony can be backed up by verifiable proof and scientific data, then there is power behind the story. Having said that, I do however empathize with suffering and have written my story so others may see there is hope and perhaps, in the future, a resolution.

At the moment I am still employed at Air Canada as an Airbus 330 captain. I am off the line suffering from undiagnosed neurological dysfunctions. These neurological symptoms are incredibly disabling, incredibly invasive and unbelievably frustrating to deal with. The constant pounding of my heart in my right ear, the squealing and squeaking in my ear drum through movement and touch of my face or neck, the gross disturbance of sleep pattern, the occasional numbness of the right side of my face and neck,  neurological twitching in my legs, spine and cranial pain are all new symptoms that started a few months ago … this is all in addition to night sweats, fatigue, blurry eyes, an irritable bowel, mood swings, depression, and respiratory stress in the continual formation and expulsion of excessive mucus.

In the past 3 months I have undergone multiple visits to various specialists: an Otolaryngologist (Ear, Nose and Throat) a Neurologist, a Inner Ear Balance specialist, and Physiotherapist. I have had a MRI and CT Scan and a host of blood work completed with more visits and tests in the future.

So far the diagnoses, if I may paraphrase all the specialists “Dave … I don’t know what to say. Everything is structurally sound and functional. I have seen similar things but not at all in this peculiar combination. I don’t have an explanation … I just don’t know.

Thankfully none of these doctors have descended to the level of suggesting that this host of neurological problems is psychosomatic. But that wasn’t always the case. Many of these symptoms are not something new.

For so much of the past 23 years I have struggled quietly yet deep down I have always known … this is not normal … I feel poisoned. And in the past, like many AS sufferers I was written off as psychosomatic. Albeit (and I have to chuckle) all the doctors did it very gently respecting the fact that I been active in martial in arts training for some 35 years! Nonetheless to see the words neuropsychological disorder written on my medical profile has been and is deeply and profoundly hurtful.

Way back in 1988 the onset of what was misdiagnosed as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome was sudden and violent. At that time I was commuting back and forth to Winnipeg (1000 miles east of Vancouver) and maintaining an extreme level of fitness to compete nationally and internationally in a full contact (no pads allowed) martial art known as Kyokushin. After returning from a series of days flying, I was feeling flu-ish and dragged out. My normal remedy for any sort of flu or un-wellness was to exercise, so off I went. Running about 3 miles away from my house I suddenly collapsed and entered involuntary muscle spasms and was incapable of running or walking … I just hung onto a telephone pole until I finally regained the ability to move. I dragged myself home and immediately went to the doctor. After a series of tests I was sent home … diagnosed with a bad flu. A few days later I received a call from my physician telling me I may have contracted something called “Epstein Barr Syndrome.” I had never heard of it but if this was Epstein Barr, I did not want it.

I progressively got worse and worse being absent from work more and more. Fortunately, the Flight Operations Winnipeg Base Director at the time knew me and knew I was not some psycho nut-bar trying to get time off. (He may deny the psycho part now … LOL …  great guy and it was great to have him in my corner.)

Eventually in 1990, I reached a point where I just could not continue the pace. I was physically ill, fatigued beyond normal and was suffering from a host of neurologically weird symptoms. I spent the next 2 years bed ridden and going from doctor to doctor. Most were very compassionate but very confused. Nothing added up. How could a man who was so healthy display such an array of puzzling symptoms? The reality of who I was and what I had become without obvious observable medical diagnoses perplexed all of them … hence I was eventually labeled with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome … CFS/ME. Life sucked.

Two years of convalescing brought me a modicum of wellness. I was well enough to attempt to return to work. I did, with enormous enthusiasm, having missed flying like a fish out of water! I was overjoyed to be back in the cockpit of the McDonnell Douglas DC-9 doing the very job that I had dreamed of all my young life. Every flight was a blessing … every day was a blessing. Six months almost to the day later, I recall taxiing the aircraft into the gate and commented to my Captain “Jerry, I love this job!” Little did I know that a few hours later I would be violently vomiting in a hotel room hundreds of miles away. Alone and scared. I did not return to work. I was once again afflicted with a myriad of neurological symptoms classified as CFS. Another year of being bed ridden and spending a huge percentage of my cognizant life in doctor’s offices.

In retrospect I find it highly unusual and grossly disappointing that not one doctor ever suggested toxicological poisoning; or any poisoning … for I mentioned to almost every single doctor … “I feel like I have been poisoned.” They just stared at me with a blank expression … probably because I already had been diagnosed with CFS which to many doctors meant “psychosomatic” … it didn’t matter what my history was or my personal character.

After convalescing for 3 full years, much of which was literally spent bed ridden, misdiagnosed with CFS as mentioned, I slowly made a modicum of recovery. Wishing to dispel the ignorant label of psychosomatic and unmotivated, when I returned to work I bid up to Captains status for the first time. I knew the Air Canada Captain training to be incredibly arduous, however I took on this challenge fully cognizant of this knowing that I might not have the physical or mental energy to make it. I did, and I did it by daily soaking in very cold water! This unusual protocol was something Dr. Vijay Kakar from London England discovered. The cold water forces your body into a serious survival mode of hormonal changes and chemical changes and every time I did it (in the morning) the poisonous hangover feeling and fatigue disappeared within 5 -10 minutes. I was SO thankful to Dr. Kakar but at the same time I had to suffer daily in 15 degree water for a total of ½ hour. It was brutal but I did it because it worked and got me not only flying but exercising again … slowly.

I continued this daily ritual until late 1998 when I came across a pilot who was eating what I would have considered an unbalanced diet. A high protein low carb diet …  the Stone Age diet. He claimed tremendous success with it and balanced blood chemistry. At that time I had unexplainable blood chemistry … liver enzymes all over the place. I passed this diet by our “new” aero-medical specialist, he examined my liver enzymes, measured it against the medical data from a husband and wife doctor team from the USA, Dr.’s Mary and Michael Eades, who wrote the book on it, and recommended that I try it.

After 10 years of suffering, within 48 hours I felt almost normal. I maintained a very strict diet and found my energy levels improving daily. All my blood chemistry began to balance and I was able to exercise with a little more vigor than before and I no longer needed the daily ice cold baths. (Albeit I did have to return to them on occasion).

Having said that, notice I said “almost normal.” I tried in vain to return to a pre-illness level of fitness. I couldn’t … although I was doing things that most of society would think excessive it was nowhere near what I was familiar with and desired. I always, always and to this date always hit a massive wall between 45 minutes and 1 hour of intense exercise. What is this wall? A quick onset cranial headache around the occipital nerve. (The base of my skull where the head and neck join) … Every time I push myself hard I get the head ache and complain “I fell like I have been poisoned.”

So I learned (I am a marvelous developer of coping mechanisms) to compensate for this. If I back off on aerobic exercise before the onset and do less strenuous movements I can continue. So I do … and as a result I have earned an equivalent of a black belt in Jiu-jitsu and an additional equivalency in Jeet Kune Do Concepts. Furthermore I was instructing these practices in my own school for 5 – 7 years. All the while thinking “I feel like I’ve been poisoned.”

In 2003 I had an accident that should have taken my life. I seriously believe I had divine intervention that saved me. In brief, I fell off my sailboat at dusk 5 miles off shore in 15 degree water and swam to a remote island in the Georgia Strait. Canadian Coast Guard rescuers gave me 1 hour to lose consciousness and 2 hours until death. I swam for 3 hours and 45 minutes; then had to climb a 65 foot cliff, which I fell off, and crawled several miles to safety. I crawled because I was so hypothermic I couldn’t walk.

The funny thing about this and the reason I bring it up (and is something I have  NEVER mentioned to anyone) … although I did not expect to survive at all; I thought many, many times while swimming … “well this should kick what ever has caused CFS out of my body once and for all!”

It didn’t.

It took me a full year to recover from that incident … so now I was fighting two wars within me. Rebuilding the structural damage internally from the accident and struggling against my old deep-seated unknown enemy that was labeled CFS …

I made a moderate but slow recovery from the swim, but still had the gremlin weighing me down at, what felt like, a deep cellular level.

So life went on. My aero-medical doctor working intensely with me, rebuilding all my blood chemistry and hormone levels and me doing my part to rest, exercise, and just live! Living and accepting life with night sweats, fatigue, blurry eyes, an irritable bowel, neuromuscular twitching, mood swings, depression, poor sleep and respiratory stress in the continual formation and expulsion of excessive formation of mucus … after all I was aging and that’s just the way life is … isn’t it? And considering the ridiculous level of activity (in comparison with society) that I was able to maintain, everyone assumed I was a healthy individual … far from it.

These latest attacks of neurological symptoms that I am now suffering with follow another 8 years of commuting … this time to Toronto, 2000 miles to the east of my home, during which I have suffered from symptoms of sinus infections, bowel infections and inflammations, headaches and fatigue, all varying in severity from mild to hospitalizing.

Then a few months ago I began to lose my hearing in the right ear. Again, sudden onset.

At first it felt plugged, then seriously plugged. The right side of my neck and face became numb. Then I began to hear my heart beating in my right ear drum … loudly, 24 hours a day. If I moved quickly my ear would squeal loudly. If I touched my face or neck my right ear squealed loudly. (Makes shaving interesting!) When I speak on the telephone using my left ear, as the audio pulses come in, the right ear squawks like a broken speaker. When I roll over in bed my right ear drum screams a high pitched squeal that awakens me and then the sound of my heart beat takes over and I can not return to a proper deep sleep.

These symptoms continually fluctuate in severity and overall are increasing in intensity. When I stopped flying it was due to the incredible intrusion of noise in my right ear. On take-off out of London Heathrow, every bounce, crack, jolt, or movement caused my right ear to squeal to the point where I was not “in the zone” at all. I completely had lost focus on the take off and all I could think of was “What is going on in my ear.” Needless to say my actual rotation and initial climb were ropey. In fact, my first officer very politely but inquisitively stated “Well, that was an interesting performance.” A very polite way of asking “what the hell were you doing?!”  I told him what was happening and pondered the weirdness of this increasingly bizarre host of symptoms. I did the landing without event but knew it was to be my last one for a while.

It now would appear that I have been suffering from what could be neurological poisoning through the inhalation of a neurotoxin known as TCP Tricresyl Phosphate, an organophosphate used in the oil that lubricates aircraft engines. On a relatively frequent basis, the seals in aircraft engines leak oil and this oil is “pyrolized” (heated to the extreme) vaporized and blown into the cabin and cockpit through the air conditioning system. When this happens a distinctive and unmistakable odor fills the aircraft … an odor that can clearly be described as “stinky socks.” Occurrences of these oil leaks have been going on for almost 60 years and as I have just found out, is the best kept secret in the aviation industry. For obvious reasons.

I found out by accident. I was in the aero-medical office chatting about my symptoms and another pilot, who I know, was listening. Suddenly he cried out “That’s exactly what I have.” My initial reaction was to think “ya right pal.” But as we compared symptoms it became very clear that that was the case. When we questioned the doctor he said to us something along the lines of “yes we have a number of pilots off the line with vestibular neurological incidences but what is equally concerning is the number we have off the line with Parkinson disease type symptoms.”

Driving home I remembered an article I read in Flight International, a highly respected industry journal that talked about neurological poisoning through the air conditioning of aircraft. The following morning when I questioned the doctor and mentioned this to him the lights began to go on. He had never put 2 & 2 together … as we were speaking he flipped through a binder on his desk and he had the article. Sure enough, the symptomology that I have been suffering with, that has been unexplainable, is fully explainable.

I am fully cognizant of having several incidences of breathing toxically foul air multiple times in the last four months of flying. The “stinky sock syndrome” so bad on one occasion that, after jokingly suggesting that my first officer should put his shoes back on … I reached for my oxygen mask. The odor dissipated just as I did so and all three of us commented “wow that was bad.” That was on our climb out to fly from the west coast of Canada to London England. The smell returned on descent, but not as powerful.

In hindsight now, I am beginning to understand what I believe has happened.

For 16 years I commuted to fly. For 8 years I commuted 1000 miles to work and for another 8 years I commuted 2000 miles to work. So not only was I at risk of contaminated air while working, I was exposing myself exponentially getting to and from my associated bases. So analyzing the data I have read about Aerotoxic Syndrome coupled with my history both medically and occupationally, I believe I am today suffering from the accumulative affects of neurotoxins inhaled overtime; or as I have learned … Aerotoxic Syndrome.

The “stinky sock syndrome” of contaminated air is such a regular occurrence onboard Air Canada’s aircraft that we pilots, for the most part, have become complacent in snagging it in our log books … I believe it has become a sub-conscious thought process of “that’s just the way airplanes smell.” That is until it is serious and either visible smoke or vapor is seen or crew/passengers become physically affected. I would bet my life that if a poll was taken, close to 100% of the pilot staff at Air Canada would admit to have had experience with the “stinky sock syndrome” … completely ignorant of the fact that what we ARE inhaling is highly toxic fumes laced with organophosphates that can poison every single crew member and passenger on board!

Today I feel somewhat vindicated and hopefully positive for the first time in 23 years. I just pray that I am not too late. As I have said, the neurological symptoms I am suffering with are incredibly disabling, incredibly invasive and unbelievably frustrating to deal with. I pray that I may at least reduce their severity to live a normal day and sleep a normal night.

At the moment I am trying not to get really angry. I guess I have to look at the positive side and be wholly amazed at the measure of my capabilities over the past quarter of a century and the multitudinous blessing I have had while fulfilling a childhood dream. I wanted to be an airline pilot. I wanted to be a jumbo jet airline pilot. I fulfilled my dream … it was cut short. I have over six years to go to retirement it would be nice to actually spend those years living the dream.